Yesterday I introduced the world to our beloved, funny and charming Bantam rooster, “Stumpy”. Today I introduce you to the most vile, disliked and positively irritating Bantam rooster on the farm, Oreo.
Oreo was an inexplicable feed store “oh aren’t those cute!” purchase right when we got our main group of hatchery chicks last year. We did not need nor did I want more chicks but Evie talked me into it.
The small group joined the hatchery group and Oreo might have gone unnoticed except for one thing: He has a crossbeak. It’s a genetic condition where his beak criss-crosses, looking unsightly in mild cases, rendering a chicken unable to eat in severe cases. Oreo’s condition was mild but it meant I couldn’t really rehome him like the rest of the excess roosters in the fall (because who else would want a tiny defective rooster besides the idiot that is me?) and bantams aren’t worth the time it takes to butcher them and so he stayed the winter.
Upon being released from the winter Banty pen, he set about making his presence known to all and sundry. Absolutely TINY, he set about chasing all the full size hens throughout the farm in desperate hope of finding love. would not even look at the hens his own size…no, for Oreo, only the biggest, fluffiest ladies would do.
Unable to chase the ladies down in the open, he would hide around corners and jump out at them…like a horny, feathered jack-in-the-box. The hens would startle and immediately start screeching in rage. And when the hens would finally tired of his antics, they would give his tiny self some fairly serious beatdowns, feathers flying everywhere and usually with him pinned to the ground under an angry, screaming hen’s feet. Somehow, this only seemed to stoke his ego and instead running away cowering, he would stand and crow as loudly and proudly as he could. The hens would just cluck disgustedly away, leaving him to crow alone at his perceived conquest.
The chicken village was doing fine dealing with their resident idiot when he began chasing the humans of the farm. I don’t scare easily but there is something about a tiny rooster sneaking up on me and then running towards my feet that gets me every time. He has never attacked or hurt anyone but he just comes hurtling at your feet after appearing out of nowhere and like the hens, I startle and jump every.damn.time.
Also the like the hens, I have attempted to intimidate Oreo into submission but it is to no avail. No matter what you do to try to scare him back, he just runs off a little ways and starts crowing like a mad man. It’s effing insane and so annoying. I just want him to run away in the same fear he elicits in me. And Evie, though being constantly spooked by him the same as me, has decided he “loves” the little bastard and so I can’t just turn him into a chicken nugget without being a total prat.
And, as if he knows he resides under the protection of a child, he has now upped the ante by taking up a perch just above me on the fence rail of the milking stall and crowing nonstop for the whole time it takes me to milk every morning. He just stands there and offers his screeching crow to the farm, making me and the hens shudder. I often wonder what I did wrong in a past life to end up with creatures like this.