Two and a half months ago, we had 7 guinea fowl.

Seven.

Due to the fact that unlike all other guinea fowl, ours NEVER die and just seem to keep spawning more, we currently have 18 guinea fowl. 😑

If I don’t remove this hen off her nest soon, in a very short window of time we will have 30 devil birds. At that rate of replication, by the end of next year we will have 30,720 angry little spotted pickelhaubes terrorizing the whole of Clay County, creating a scourge that will only be defeated decades from now when the wild “pig bombs” from Saskatchewan and Missouri finally converge on South Dakota, eventually decimating the guinea ground nests.

And I’d like to say I will pluck up the courage to remove this nest and save all mankind but I know I won’t. This crazy hen, nesting halfway up our driveway, entirely out of the protection of Pyrenees and yard lights, has used her scathing guinea wrath to make it this far on her own AND somehow escape being mowed when our kind neighbor bushhogged that ditch. How she is not dead is beyond my comprehension.

And then last night, when I discovered her lying in the open far away from the farm, I thought she was hurt and stooped to “help” her and nearly lost a cornea for my effort and now have several missing hunks of flesh from my hands. I am NOT entering that Thunderdome of feathered MMA fighting again.

So I have resigned myself to the fate of being the footnoted person in history on the eventual Wikipedia entry that describes the dark origins of the 2020 Guinea Fowl Apocalypse.

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