This idiot and his 2 lady friends (our two ultra dominant and just plain bullying Spanish Black turkeys found a new home) should have been allowed to leave their winter stall and frolic outside in the warm sunshine like everyone else today but those days are officially over until real spring arrives.

Why?

Because Lloyd and his women truly seem to believe they can abandon the barn and survive a South Dakota winter with their new lives high atop Evie’s playdeck.🤦‍♀️

On this deck they have a lovely view of the entire farm but no roof, nothing to stop the subzero winds and absolutely zero protection from our resident Great Horned Owls. Literally the single worst place any bird could spend the night and yet every time I release the trio from the barn, that is where they choose to roost at nightfall—not the coop, not the many other open sheds and certainly not back to their cushy stall in the barn. Nope, they just want to live large on the murder deck.

And if I fail to stop them before they flop and hop up the deck stairs (everyone got a wing trim last fall to try to stop the deck trek—it didn’t work at all, now they just use the stairs like fat, beach ball shaped children) this means I get the fun of getting a collective 100 pounds of turkey back down again. And let me tell you, that is not an easy task.

Because of their wing trim, they can no longer fly down to the ground 20 feet below, as fat as they are it would be like dumping a lead balloon off the top deck. Instead I must climb the stairs after them and slowly, carefully herd the 30 pound feathered toddlers back down the steps, one fatty flop at a time, until we finally reach terra firma and can waddle our way to the barn. For most of the winter, vast swaths of our farm have been covered in ice, making the task just that much more fun. 😑

As I have no wish to die trying to chase tubby turkeys down an ice covered spiral staircase, I have decided they can just sit their fat butts in their “apartment” until it gets properly warm outside. At that juncture, if they continue to make bad life decisions it’s on them, not me. I’m not so sure on can save a dumb turkey from itself in the long run…

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