If you look close enough, you can see two vile blue clown heads in the distance.

I spotted the new mama guinea from the barn and thought I’d follow her out in the goat pasture and try to get a head count on the babies. New babies aren’t particularly fast so this first week is my one chance to get close and observe what hath she spawned.

I was wary because in the 48 hours since she hatched her brood, it appears one of the males broke off from the main contingent to be her personal body guard but I still thought I could get close enough to see just how dire the situation was—to combat one’s enemy, first one must know the size and strength of their force.

I walked on towards them confidently, not wanting to show any weakness. I got within about 8 feet and the babies came out of the taller grass into a more open area and I began counting the little brown puffs. They never stop moving and so one must concentrate fully to get an accurate number. That was my fatal mistake.

Brow furrowed, eyes slitted against the bright sun, gaze focused on the myriad little orange-legged Stormtroopers, I never saw him coming until he was upon me. The male guinea had broke off from the main group and bore down on me with a flanking maneuver. As one hand went up to defend my eyes from his murderous claws, I attempted to back up as fast as I could…and that’s when I realized I was surrounded by the goats.

Whether they were paid off and working in concert with the guinea clan or just being their normal pain in the ass selves, I will never know. What I do know is that I tripped backwards over Marshmallow the goat and landed squarely on my tuckus. We’re in a drought, the ground is concrete, I was not happy. Words were said. 😑

And then when in a final flailing effort, I attempted to photograph the now-fleeing guinea family for a digital count, Marshmallow stepped squarely into my shot, squashing those hopes as well.

It appears I must up my game if I have any hope of survival during the 2020 Guinea Fowl Apocalypse. But for now I must go ice my tail bone. 😫

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