Last summer we set up a stock tank “pool” in the yard that quickly became our favorite place to relax on a hot day. Complete with a side rail for drinks, there is no better place to chill when the mercury begins to approach 100.

Until Lloyd shows up.

Once Lloyd arrives, conversation and relaxation become impossible because in addition to the “thump, thump” that accompanied his endless strutting to and fro, he new thing to do is answering every human utterance with a gobble. Every word, every pause in the conversation, every noise you make brings on the gobble.

😂😂 Haha, funny, you say.

Yeah, it’s cute for about 23 seconds…

Because he just doesn’t end, there is no stopping with the Lloyd. He just keeps going and going, like the Energizer Bunny of the barnyard, only in the form of a broken, slightly perverted Tom turkey. He seeks us out to put on his show—he will search the whole farm to wherever we are and once he finds us, it begins. Back and forth he struts, thump, thumping his chest all the while. And anything you say gets a gobble responseS And even a sneeze will be answered with a gobble. It never, ever, EVER stops. It’s like living with a madman who thinks he is talking with you but you can’t understand a word of his insane gibberish.

The worst is when he stations himself under my second floor office window. Many a COVID work from home Zoom meeting has been accompanied by the sounds of Lloyd responding down below. I don’t even have to explain myself anymore, my coworkers just accept the strange sounds from my world and we keep going.

But Lloyd is my broken pervert turkey and so he shall remain, strutting and gobbling and occasionally masturbating on the ground in front of guests when they don’t pay him enough attention. #ohlloyd

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